Social Distancing Etiquette

As we all struggle to perfect our 6′ distancing skills, some great advice on how to handle this all without feeling rude (we are Canadians after all!).

This advice, compliments of http://www.emilypost.com (of course!) – the “share” link was offered on their website, but was disfunctional… so cut & paste seemed acceptable since they clearly wanted to allow sharing.

USE YOUR WORDS

Communication is so important when people are unsure or adopting new norms. Regardless of the situation you find yourself in, the best thing you can do is to use your words and tone to convey your intention. When your body language cannot speak for you, or might say the wrong thing, let your words, your tone and your eyes speak clearly. You can choose to smile as you move 6ft away from someone you pass on the sidewalk, maybe give a nod. Some might even comment on creating the space when in situations at the grocery store or pharmacy or on a recreational path or sidewalk. “Pardon me, while I try to keep 6ft away.” or “Sorry, just trying to keep distance.” Communication is helpful, and it acts as a helpful reminder to others. When done in a friendly and positive way it may even act as an example for those who are struggling find the difference between distancing and isolation.

GREETINGS

Greetings and interactions feel and look different right now. With few exceptions touching of any kind is outside of your family home is not recommended. Which makes one of our most automatic behaviors off limits for the time being. Waves, prayer hands or a bow are excellent alternatives right now. Remember to go back to our first point and use your words, eye contact when possible, tone, facial expressions and body language to express yourself. (That’s a lot of other ways to get the message across well!)

So what about when someone else breaks current protocol? Many are making the habitual mistake of reaching out a hand, or touching their face, or coughing without covering. If you encounter this, it’s okay to refuse an outstretched hand, or step back from an approaching hug. Saying, “I’m keeping distance right now, but I’m happy to see you.” (or whatever is appropriate given the circumstances) is perfectly appropriate at this time.

The only way to change is with practice and repetition. Forming new habits takes time and we will be reminding ourselves and others along the way. This brings us to a new trend.

REMINDERS ABOUT MINDING MANNERS

During a time of high alert, we are often more willing to comment on a stranger’s behavior. Something we’re less likely to do when the threat is weaker. A reminder from a neighbor on the train, bus or in a line to cover your mouth, or the offer of a tissue from a fellow passenger on a flight or ride is often met with gratitude instead of glare right now. (Though be sure if you are making an offer that you do it in a way that maintains physical distance.) This is a good reminder to harness an attitude of gratitude when reminders come our way. It may feel like alarmists are everywhere, but the truth is: You don’t know the conditions of the people around you. You don’t know who lives with an elderly person, works in a retirement home, or lives with a child who has an autoimmune issue or has one themselves. And none of us know who is carrying and spreading the virus without exhibiting symptoms until further testing is possible. Bottom line: You don’t know what another person’s reason for being more cautious may be, so it’s best (for your own headspace and others’) to lean toward gratitude rather than grievance and safety rather than risk.

IT LOOKS DIFFERENT

Across the globe we are seeing what it looks like to experience social distancing on a large scale. Towns once bustling are quiet. If someone on the sidewalk is coughing, someone walking toward them might move across the street (or at least about 6ft away) to avoid the coughing person and the air around them. This isn’t to be rude or leave the coughing person with the idea that they are dirty or diseased. Instead it’s meant to give them and the other person the necessary space to move about their days. We don’t see groups of people talking in open spaces. When restaurants are open often they leave one empty table between each patron to allow for space and safety. Lines of people waiting to place orders and get into venues have people waiting three feet or more apart from one another. One woman on a radio news program said that she watched someone walk past a line and she mentioned the line started with her, and the young man apologized, not having realized the people were in fact in a line.

Many stores are offering delivery and curbside service. It’s important to respect their policies and do your best to be patient as businesses put new practices into place.

In some cases it sounds different. From news programs to talk shows to social media feeds, people are trying to find the right angle and the right tone to use when speaking. We hear anxiety, we hear fear, we hear hope, we hear encouragement. We are hearing so many different perspectives. Depending on how this pandemic is affecting you, your tone and focus may be quite different from that of your neighbor, family member, or friend. Many people are trying to bring that awareness into what they share about their experience when speaking with others. Recognizing that while they may be able to handle staying home and caring for loved ones and even find joy or gratitude in doing so, others are struggling and their fears and anxieties are real.

If you’re in a position of priveldge and are looking for ways to help in your community, many options are now becoming available from sewing face masks in New Hampshire to making deliveries for those who can’t get out, to being a point of contact for someone who is completely isolated and without friends or family to lean on. Look to community message boards, and local programs to see what you can do to help.

IT LOOKS THE SAME

Traditional etiquette has a great deal to offer at times like these. Some of the oldest, most fundamental etiquette advice has kept us safe and healthy for generations and can serve as a foundation for good public and personal health today.

First and foremost the practice of good hygiene.

Washing up before meals and after exposure to groups of people or public spaces. Use hot soapy water and scrub for 20 seconds (about 2 rounds of ‘Happy Birthday’).

In public, don’t rub your eyes, clean your ears, wipe your nose or touch your mouth. Remember the old adage “nothing good can happen in polite company with your hands above your shoulders, unless you are bringing food to your mouth.”

Control bodily functions as best you can. Don’t cough or sneeze on others. When a cough or sneeze is coming on, move or turn away and cover your mouth and nose with the inside of your elbow. If using tissues, remember the “one and done rule” and discard properly after each use.

QUICK TIPS AND SAMPLE SCRIPTS

Meetings and greetings while maintaining physical distance:

1. “I’ll practice social distancing but I’m so happy to see you!”

2. “I’m avoiding contact, but it’s such a pleasure to meet you!”
3.  “I understand you’re not worried, but since I am, I’m going to ask to call in/do this over the phone/schedule a video call. I can’t wait to get together once things are safe again.”
4. “Happy to go for a walk as long as we stay 6ft apart.”
5. “Air hugs!”

Feel confident engaging in reminders:

1.  Offer tissues, in your own home this is totally fine, the more our communities begin to shelter in place, and limit any non-essential outings the less likely you are to offer someone a tissue or accept one from someone else.
2.  Offer sanitizer (or suggest a wash up). Whether it’s someone who has stopped by your house or it’s within your own family, suggest washing up, or using sanitizer frequently.
3.  Offer gentle reminders, this is more likely now, but also will slow down as both more people are staying home and we get used to what good social distancing looks like. Reminders like these may become common place: “The line starts there, folks are just putting more space between each other.” Or, “Pardon me, but would you please cough into your elbow or the other direction please?” (this has to be super light sounding to come across kind, scolding and scowling are not ideal.) Or “If you don’t mind, we’re asking everyone to wash hands before holding the baby.” “Remember when we visit grandma to wash your hands and and we’re going to give her big waves instead of big hugs!”

Be compassionate.

We cannot emphasize this enough right now. These are extraordinary times and there are so many ways this virus is impacting all of us.  You don’t know what is affecting someone’s life making the current threat even worse. It’s important to respect people where they are at, and not blow off their concerns or drive fear where it doesn’t need to be.

We are so fortunate to have so many ways to connect to help get us through this crisis together, but loneliness and anxiety are two huge concerns as we don’t yet know how long we will be practicing social and physical distancing measures. Reaching out to one another. Being patient and kind with each other. Listening to one another, respecting one another. These are the kinds of attitudes and actions that will carry us through. They cost us nothing, and yet they can make an impactful difference.